Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
