Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
