Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
