I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
