also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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