Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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