How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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