I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
