community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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