I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
