Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
third nipple confirmed
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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