Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
