I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
