I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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