ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
