And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
