I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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