There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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