you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
