Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
