I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
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You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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