I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
