i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
