my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
