I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
