i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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