i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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