dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
