I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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