You can't special order awesome
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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