Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
