New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
