Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
