If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
