The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
