he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Success! We fucked roommates!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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