Pregnant stripper...not hot.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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