You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
