I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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