girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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