you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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