How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
do nipples grow back?
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