i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
