Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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