He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
