Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
