Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
