I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
