Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
