so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
