I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize