kristin has been a bad kristin
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
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We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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