Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
