everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
