My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
