is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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