My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
