don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
