True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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