i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
