Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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