guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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