i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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