she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
