They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
