My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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