she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
