Redeem this text for a blowjob
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
