I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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